I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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