So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
