come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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