You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
