wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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