I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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