Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and she was petting her beer can
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
