Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
