It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
