guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
