I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
