drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
