I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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