i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
