I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
