you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How does one acquire holy water?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
