We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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