And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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