If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
