I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
