im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
