he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
