As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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