I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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