alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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