No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
