he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
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why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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