need another drink. this is the easiest way
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
