i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
