just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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