If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
