i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
