I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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