Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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