I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
