even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My penis needs a shock collar
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
