I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
