I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
