Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
