I love black thongs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
