he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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