meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
