I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
