tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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