Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize