ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
