Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i think i just lost a toe
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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