he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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