i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
