He is an equal opportunity slut.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
