if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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