He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
