I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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