i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
