Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
