I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
