Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
