These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
