The maid of honor just puked.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
