He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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