i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
