At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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