Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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