Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
