sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
