Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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