I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
