That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
