if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
