So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
