and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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