I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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