just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
