That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
