last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize