You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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