She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
