Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
how drunk are you?
Several
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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