tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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