So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
