He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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